Ways to Earn Money
I’m trying to think of ways to make extra cash. Last year, I tried to donate sperm, but I was rejected. It turns out I only have 'normal sperm' and sperm banks need 'super sperm'. Apparently the sperm they're looking for have tiny capes on their backs and are only kept frozen for reasons of public safety. If those sperm thawed and escaped, I was told, they would try to hunt down and fertilize hapless women. I argued that those sperm are probably gay sperm, because what kind of hetero sperm would be caught dead in a cape when it's trying to impress an egg?
No deal.
Actually, the problem was I kept having relations the night before my donation. I was in-between relationships, and every time I was supposed to donate, I apparently sent out some ultra-high-frequency sonar or something that allowed me to attract beautiful women. I think it momentarily confused them. I should have thought of it months ago, because that seemed to be the only thing that was working for me that year. I was WAY too embarrassed to say why I shouldn’t have relations (you have to abstain for a min of 72 hours), so my donations ended up pitifully small the next day.
Anyway, I need a new plan for cash.
