INDEBTED 2 YOU: March 2009

Chilaxing Today

Workout Updates
I had a GREAT workout yesterday. My bench is up to 155 lbs (I don't "max" -- this is what I bench as my normal "high" with ten reps). I put it up with ease yesterday. Now that I'm getting back in shape, I've developed a couple 'back of my mind' goals. I've decided I want to see if I can manage a 5k in under 22 minutes by the end of this program, or if not, by the end of the summer. I ran these times about ten years ago (and I was under this during my high school and college running days, but I'm not aiming that high); I haven't managed to do this for a long time. I also want to see if I can bench 225 lbs. That's my all-time high, but I was fifty pounds lighter when I did that, so I think I can manage it now, probably by the end of this twelve week program. That's about a 10LB/week increase, which seems reasonable. The 225 goal is more visual than anything--that means you've put two 45lb weights on each side of your 45lb bar. It just looks cool is all.

Writing/School Updates
As I mentioned in my last post, I finished another 50 pages of novel revisions. I'm going to do some casual work on it this weekend, cleaning up glaring errors. I'm going to try and push out another 50pg revision in the next couple of weeks. That will put me through the first major section of my book. BIG milestones.

Finding a good place to write is hard, and at the advice of a professor, I'm looking into renting a cheap apartment with some other writers as a writing studio place. Coffee shops are all well and good, but they offer distractions, and it's often difficult to get writing done at home. We'll see. I need to make sure it's financially feasible.

That is all!

4 Weeks In, 1st Big Slip

Okay, so I'm 4 weeks into Body for Life, and I had my first big slip yesterday. I've shifted workouts around, even swapped things up, but yesterday was the first day I actually missed a workout. I didn't have time during the day to make it to the gym, and at 9:30, when class got out, I was tired (I only slept a few hours the night before), and I was starting to get a sore throat, from lack of sleep and (I believe) dehydration. I gave up.

Oh well. We all give up, occasionally.

What does that mean? It means, in the perpetual circle of life, I feel like I'm getting ready to let this fall apart.

If I were younger, I would redouble my efforts right now. I would do two workouts, or tell myself that I've swapped another rest day up, like I did last week. I'm okay with swapping one rest day, but two weeks in a row says I need to stop and take a breath. I'm tired. Not "I can't finish this" tired, but I need to examine the warning signs and think through what's going on in life.

To start, yesterday is gone. I'm not going to try to pretend I didn't miss a workout by shifting my rest day, yet again. I missed, no big deal. I'll do some leg exercises tonight, because I think I could use it, but I'm not going to push it.

I'm not only 4 weeks into my program, but I'm also three-quarters of the way through my semester, and that in itself is tiring. With yesterday's turn-in of my fifty pages, however, I've finished the 'big' projects. I have some reading and smaller one-page papers to write, and one small presentation, which all adds up to work, but I've done the lions share of the projects, now, and can coast a little bit on my previous efforts.

Hmmmm... well. This weekend is going to be an R&R weekend. That doesn't mean I won't get some work done, but I don't intend to push myself, and I have no real goals. Sunday will be a real rest day. No workouts!

For the next two weeks, I'm going to try to get the right workouts in on the right days, according to the Body for Life plan. I'm also going to work a little harder at having the right food. I'm doing okay, but I could be doing better. I think that's been part of the problem: when you're working out so much, you really need to get the right food at the right time. If you don't, over time it starts to wear on you.

Gotta' go!

An update, and my 200th post!

I really tore up the paths yesterday running around Lake Harriet. Okay, I tore up the paths, compared to how I've been running the last couple of years. I suppose I should make that distinction. I'm getting much firmer, although I feel like I'm losing very little weight around my waste. I've decided I'm not going to worry about it--my goal is to reach the end of the twelve weeks on this program, and I'm making good progress. And, seriously, I'm only 4 weeks in.

I sat down yesterday and revised another fifty pages of my novel. It felt like a huge accomplishment. It's not going to get great reviews in class--I know the flaws in the piece--but it's an outline of where I need to go, and that's gratifying. It felt like a huge weight was lifted when I finished it up.

I slept very little last night. It was a mix between indigestion and, I realized at around four in the morning, a slight almost-feverish ache from my strenuous run. I took a few Tylenol, felt immediately better, and was able to doze for about an hour before my alarm went off. I'm tired, but I'll survive.

Oh, and this is my 200th post! Wow. I love little mileposts like this.

I'm off! I tutor a kid at a local school, so I need to run!

Maybe I Wasn't Eating Enough

Feeling much better today. I think there's a chance I didn't eat enough this past week. I was running myself down with the workouts and not replenishing with large-enough piles of food. Everything crashed.

I took a look at the novel and decided that my three-day weekend was mostly a bad sidetrack (with some material I can keep).

Upper body workout last night--felt great, although it was this workout that made me realize I wasn't eating enough. I worked hard, but I couldn't lift much at all. I went home and ate two dinners, and promptly began to feel better. I wish it wasn't so easy get off-kilter!

This is Week 4 of Body for Life!

Still Angry

Still angry, but anger has burned away some apathy and given me some ideas for a go-forward plan. WRT the book, I'm simplifying things. Keeping the original version and just adding to that. That's all I have for now, because seriously, this is not a minor funk.

Frustration. Frustration. Frustration.

I've had a horrible weekend. I took the entire three days to get writing done, and I spent most of it staring at the computer screen. I managed to revise and perhaps add a few pages to a ten page section of my book, and I hate it. I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm wasting my time. I feel like I'm trying to cram my damn book into some fucking shape that I don't fucking want to cram it into. I am so sick, and so tired of this fucking MFA program. I just want to toss the whole god damn manuscript into a fire pit and burn it, then toss the computer in, burn that, then delete every online version of this novel I've ever created, eliminating it totally and completely from the earth. I AM NOT HAPPY. I AM NOT MOTIVATED. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS OR ANYTHING RIGHT NOW!

I just want to curl into a ball, and stay there. And sulk. And feel bad for myself. If I could run away, I would, but since all my problems seem to be in my head, running away isn't going to do me that much good. I need to turn in a fifty page section on Thursday, and I have a fifty page section, but I know the professor will hate it, because it's everything that he hasn't liked in the last section. And... what? I don't know. Does he know what he's talking about? He's worked as an editor, so probably. He went to Syracuse and published his book of short stories. I think he's a narrow minded fuck knob, but what of it? My opinion doesn't make him wrong. Being a narrow minded fuck knob doesn't even make him wrong.

Shit shit shit shit shit.

Shit.

I ran this weekend, Saturday and Sunday, to try to calm myself down, which it did. I calmed down, but running didn't do anything for my writing, as it normally does. I'm absolutely despondent.

What am I even doing? I'm so sick and tired of my family moving on with their lives and me just sitting around trying to get a book published. One freaking book.

And you know what? The problem isn't that I can't write it, it's that I won't allow myself to finish it. I keep tweaking so that I never have an end product. I keep thinking I need to change one little thing, and of course that thing makes me change another thing, which makes me change another, ad naseum. I trashed the entire first version of the novel by doing this. I wrote a second version, and now I'm obviously trying to write a third. Not revise. Oh my god, I have to stop rewriting this thing. I just need to get the damn novel done. Finished. Send the damn thing out, flawed and imperfect as it is. It doesn't matter.

I'm tired of this. I'm going to finish writing this, and I'm not going to do a good job. I'm just going to get it done.

Three-Day Weekend Starts Tomorrow!

I had a nice moment last night when I was late for a meeting at school, and I started jogging to make up some time. I was pleasantly surprised at how effortless the short run was.

Nearing the end of Week 3 of Body for Life, and things are clipping along! I’ve rearranged a few workouts and I’m not following it by the book, but my goal is to finish the 12-week program, not to do it perfectly. I feel great and my body is getting leaner. There’s been a pretty rapid increase in my muscle mass, which is gratifying. I’m getting a little tennis elbow working my triceps workout, so I’m going to implement a few different exercises which don’t require bending my elbows.

This weekend I think I’m going for a run with some writers in my MFA program. We were chatting about it during class, and everyone is excited to get out in this wonderful spring weather. I’m also going to go for a long-ish bike this weekend to get used to the saddle. If the weather holds up, I’m going to try to bike into work sometime next week

That’s all. I have a three-day weekend starting Friday, during which I’m going to concentrate exclusively on my writing, so I don’t intend to post unless I’m looking for a reason to procrastinate (or I get ahead of schedule!).

Quick Post: Running and Writing

Yesterday was a rest day for me--I took it easy wrt working out. Today I ran/walked four miles. Again, I'm constantly feeling stronger, although I was starting to feel the rise of the dreaded shinsplint, so that might mean switching over to other activities to keep my legs from falling apart on me. I'll probably go for a bike ride tonight with my GF, although that will mostly be a joy-ride, and might even entail a stop off for wine! Mostly I'm working on my writing. I had a great day yesterday, and I've got a good start today. I'm not going to hit my original goal of fifty pages, but I'm getting back into writing, too, and I'm starting to produce more and more as the days go.

Running Is The Closest Humans Get To Flying

Yesterday I felt like I was flying.

Winter is in fast retreat in the Midwest. The snow is mostly gone, patches of stubborn ice are all that's left. I went for a run on Saturday, around Lake Harriet in South Minneapolis. When I started, my legs were sore. My calves felt tight and I was breathing heavy. I felt old, and had this sense of resignation that this might be the best I could do, these days. After plodding through a mile, I stopped to stretch and enjoy the wind coming over the still-frozen lake. When I started shuffling down the path again, I stopped worrying about my speed (or lack thereof). The soreness in my calves, I realized, reminded me of when I was in high school, heading out with my track team. Instead of slowing down, I pushed against that soreness, enjoying the ache. My lungs stopped tripping over every intake of air, and I started taking deep, refreshing breaths. And then I really pushed it, and for about half a mile, I felt like I was nineteen again, pounding around the lake, full of energy and speed. I slowed down after that half-mile, but was delighted because I knew that I could have kept up the pace, but I also knew that patience is the best route to success, and if I took it easy today I would avoid major muscle damage and I would be better-able to get out and train next week.

When I reached the leeward side of the lake I stopped to walk. The ice was a mixture of white and blue, and there was about six inches of water on top of it. The wind pushed the water into small waves. People were gathered in groups to enjoy the surreal sight, and I heard someone mention how it looked like a scene from a science fiction movie. It felt like a gift, this odd natural phenomena. My head reached a new level of clarity, coming out of its winter fog.

I took a few deep breaths, stretched some more, and jogged home.

3 Day Workation -- Writing and Working Out

Life is so hectic these days I've decided I need to coin a new term: the Workation. When you take a Workation, you burn your vacation from your primary job to catch up on other tasks in life. I'm taking Workation the next few months to get my novel rewritten, and to allow myself some time to workout and get in shape.

Anyway.

Here's why I like the Body For Life workout program: when I'm done with the upper body workout, my muscles are so thoroughly tired I can barely lift my arms (really), but I feel fine the next day. I'm not sore at all. I make certain to have a protein shake immediately after I work out, which I think is a big part of this. I feel great this morning.

I'm up to 193lbs, but I attribute this to muscle mass increase. I feel like I'm probably making some headway trimming the fat, but again, it's hard to tell. In about a week I'll start the bike workouts for the MS150, and I expect to start losing some mass at that point.

Today is the start of a three day writing weekend. By the end of today, I want to complete the rewrite of the third chapter of my novel, based off some notes a professor gave me. By the end of the weekend (stretch goal), I want to revise/rewrite the next fifty pages. I need to turn those new pages into class in two weeks, and I'd like to be able to let them sit for a few days before I go to line edit.

That's all for now.

Looking Your Best

Here's a tip if you're just starting to workout, and you want to see yourself in your absolute best form: only look in the mirror immediately after you get out of bed. For a magical five minutes, you look lean and firm. Especially if you worked out the day before, your muscles are a little stiff, which holds your fat together, and your stomach is as flat as it's going to be all day. Guilty confession: every morning, I jump out of bed, toss my shirt off, and check myself out in the bathroom mirror. I think of it as a preview as to what my body will look like (at noon!) after another week of working out.

After you've taken a moment to admire yourself, jump in the shower before everything starts to sag, and make sure the mirror is plenty steamy when you get out.

I'm nearing the end of Week 2 of my twelve-week Body For Life workout! Once again, on Thursday I wasn't able to get to the gym during the day, so I dragged my butt back to work after my class. 9:30 PM. It was hard, and I really didn't want to do it. I didn't push myself. I just got on the treadmill and did the requisite 21 minutes of running required by the program. This morning I felt great, however, and was happy that I made myself go.

That's it. I'm off. I have an upper body workout today, and a run tomorrow. I'm taking a three-day weekend to write. I might post on the writing to keep myself honest.

Happy Friday!

Writing Day #1

I took the day off work to get some writing done. This is part of my "recuperation." Over the next few months, I'm taking a day or two of vacation every week to get a little more sleep and a little more work done on my novel. This will help keep me from wearing myself out during my workouts, too!

I spent the morning sketching out a go-forward plan for the book, and I'm going to spend the afternoon writing. I'm shooting for around 1500 words, give or take. Sometime before sundown I intend to go for a run.

Yesterday's workout (a run) was really crappy, until I told myself to slow down. I'm not eighteen, and I'm out of shape, so there's no reason to think I need to run a five minute mile. I adjusted my pace and was able to keep going for the duration of my workout, and came out feeling good. I've only finished one week of my twelve week program, so why would I push myself? I've got at least two or three more weeks before I have a decent base, and then we'll see what I can do.

And a side note: I just changed the majority of my house over to compact fluorescent. It's amazing how many light bulbs are in a house! I think I've purchased about 30-35 bulbs by now, and I still have 5-10 to go. The compact fluorescent bulbs cost about three bucks apiece, so I've been replacing them as they burn out (and after my old store of incandescents was used up). With the old electrical system in our house, it doesn't take long for the incandescents to wear out. The nice thing? I've been doing this for about six months, and while I've now gone through all my stores of old incandescents, I haven't had to replace one compact fluorescent yet. I frankly don't mind the thirty-seconds it takes for them to come to "full power." They give off plenty of light prior to that, so it's not like I'm fumbling around in the dark. I don't know if our electrical bill has gone down, because in the winter we use space heaters to heat rooms. We'll see once summer hits--by then, I'll have changed over the rest of the bulbs, and we'll have an easy one-to-one comparison between between this year and last year's bill.

Finances, Workouts, and Writing. Oh my.

A few things.

First, financially (this used to be a dedicated financial blog, so I'll sometimes loop back to that): I had some stock in stem cell companies which I sold today while Obama was signing the stem cell bill. It's all short term gains, which means I'm going to get hit pretty hard come taxes, but I was getting stressed keeping track of the stock, and in the end I essentially tripled my money, anyway. I have a goal to put aside $20-$25K in order to take off a year or two from work, go part time, and write full time. I am happy to say I'm getting closer to my goal, faster than I believed I would.

Second, my fitness: I got a great upper body workout today. I seem to have lost a couple of pounds (I started at 191 and I'm at 189), but that's easily attributed to water weight. I'm not actually concerned about losing weight, however. As Kevin Spacey said in American Beauty, "I just want to look good naked." I'm not running around without a shirt yet, but I'm starting to feel better about myself. A lot of that is physiological, but feeling good is feeling good, and I'm not going to argue the reason.

Third, I've decided to submit my novel to a contest; the deadline is May 1st. I've been struggling to motivate myself, lately. I need a goal, and school doesn't seem to offer me that. In fact, I think it makes me concentrate too hard on the small details that really don't need to be examined yet. I need to get a comprehensive draft completed, and I believe this contest will give me the necessary 'oomph' to do so.

I'll keep everyone updated, periodically, as to where I'm at with all these goals. Thanks for stopping by!

Sunday

Oh, just a quick one today. I managed to work out every day last week! Sunday through Saturday. I don’t intend to work out seven days a week from here on out, but I wanted to have a good jump on my workouts. I feel great and have already begun to get a little toned. I’ve been procrastinating working on my novel this weekend. I need to buckle down tonight!

What A Pain!

My legs are on the verge of some serious pain. I’m keeping the worst of it at bay with Advil and stretching. Yesterday I promised myself I would get a run in, but I was pressed for time right up to my evening class, so after class was done I circled back to my company’s gym. I ran about 2.5 miles in 23 minutes, which shows how slow I’ve gotten in the last few years. I used to run eight miles in an hour, no problem… back in ‘the day’…

My legs will bounce back, however, and I’ve worked out for three days now, for which I feel great. I also feel awesome when I wake up in the morning—my brain’s sharp and crisp. This does not last through the day yet! As I write this I’m very tired.

That’s about it. I’m thinking of posting my calendar and talking about my plan-of-attack for both my workout and my writing.

Bring It On!

I need to start getting to bed earlier. One issue with workouts programs, for me, is that I get really excited about them at the start, read all the literature, create spreadsheets, and just daydream about getting back in shape. Which isn't all bad. It's nice to daydream about a goal, but I've been daydreaming at the expense of getting my schoolwork done on time.

In my old age (31 now!) I'm beginning to understand myself a little more. When I find myself daydreaming constantly, that's often a sign that I have too much on my plate, and my mind is tricking me into relaxing. I can't afford to slip this year--I have too much on the line. So it's time to allocate recources.

I like to travel on my vacations, but I can't do that this year. I, unfortunately, have to use that time to write and catch up on life. I'm worn down, but by bleeding off some vacation, I should give myself time to catch up on writing, school, and free up some workout time.

I just put a big calendar up at work, detailing family events I have to attend (weddings, etc), school events I'm going to have to attend, and the occasional race that will wipe me out for a weekend. Looks like June is gone, as is half of July. I have to get my novel rewritten by the beginning of September (I need a completed draft to enter Thesis I). I don't trust rest of July or August--while I'll do my best, I've never succeeded in keeping those months open. Because of this (know thyself!), in order to get my book done, it looks like I have to finish it by June.

Yowsa.

That means a significant, hold-your-breath-and-just-do-it committal of vacation. I'm seeing 12 days, scattered over three months, to allow me to throw enough words on a page to have a draft finished up. That leaves me with about 4 days of vacation for the rest of the year (not counting the week of Christmas, which we get off).

I have a tentative plan hashed out and up on the board. This is going to be a CHALLENGING YEAR.

Bring it on.

Starting My (Official) Workout!

Today I start the Body for Life workout challenge. 12 weeks to go! Good lord. I bought a couple of protein supplements from GNC yesterday, and last night I actually did an official upper body workout using the program guidelines. I'm pleasantly sore today.

I'm very tired! For whatever reason, I tossed and turned until 5am last night, and only ended up getting a few hours of sleep. I'm not exactly falling asleep at my desk, but I feel close.

An Addendum
I just did my lower body workout today. Holy cow are my legs going to be sore tomorrow! For those who know about Body for Life, I'm actually supposed to lift Monday, Wednesday, Friday (alternating my upper and lower body), but I did an upper body workout last night because I needed to clear my head, and I decided I wanted to do a lower body workout today instead of a run. So I'll do two upper body workouts this week and next week, but I'd rather start with two weeks of upper body in a row, because upper body is the most fun. After finishing the workouts, I had a couple of scoops of protein shake and a couple of bananas, but I'm ready for some more food!

Body For Life

Well, it's almost 1 o'clock in the morning and I'm a little wired--I went to the movies with my GF and we shared a 'medium' Diet Coke (I shudder to think how big the large was). I don't see myself getting to bed anytime soon.

We cleaned the house today, and I feel so much better with everything in order. It took us a few hours, but we've drawn up a weekly schedule now, so it shouldn't be as difficult to keep it clean from here on out.

I decided to actually enter the Body for Life workout challenge! Just a little extra motivation. I like to allow myself to get caught up in the hype of programs like this. Part of me knows it's a little hokey. Okay, most of me knows it's really hokey, but it's good to be hokey every once in a while.

That's all. I start Monday.

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