Such a loser...

God. Okay, here's a problem, and it's has EVERYTHING to do with my expenses. I can't get myself to do anything. I've sat at my desk ALL DAY today, and I haven't done anything. Not one thing. I've had a few nice sit-down chats with friends at work, a nice long lunch, but I haven't actually accomplished ANYTHING. I've surfed the Internet, I've done a lot of personal chores, but not one speck, not one iota of actual work has occurred. I think I probably worked about 5 hours this week, and I'm serious. I get stressed out just sitting her, doing nothing. The less I do, the more I get stressed, the harder it is to start. I could at least be working on my writing, but I don't. Nobody checks on me. Nobody asks about my work. Nobody expects anything from me. I can go for months, peform one small task, and everyone will think I'm doing a good job. I'm so stressed about this, but I can't seem to make any connection to my job and my compensation and my approval rating. That's not true, actually. I know that people hate my work ethic. I know I'm a joke. A well regarded joke. A joke people like to hang out with. I'm a joke who people want to be friends with, but a joke nonetheless. A big f-ing joke. I AM A HUGE F-ING JOKE.

My god. What do I expect to happen in life? Is this a sense of entightlement on my part? Am I truly that bored? Is this apathy or laziness or is there a difference? Gen X couldn't give an F? And it's not that I LIKE that I don't do anything. I hate it.

Day's done. I'm going for a run. No lessons learned.